pandas and prayers

Almost 2 years ago, I bought this panda.

To most, it could have been called a silly purchase.

I'm too old for stuffed animals

and I didn't have any kids of my own.

What I did have was a hopeless longing.

A secret battle of infertility.

Doctors said no, along with the voices in my head.

And I had to fight to hear the voice of truth.

I bought this bear to physically grasp my heart's desire.

For months I clung to him as I cried and prayed.

When the tests turned positive, and a little one was on their way,

my prayers changed.

I cried and prayed for the chubby fingers that would one day hold him.

My heart smiles when I see Emmerson playing with her panda.

She kisses (chews) his ears

and spins him around by his legs.

She tells him (loud) secrets 

and gives him hugs that make me jealous.

The one I desperately prayed for with the one I fervently prayed over.

Her special bear.

girl talk

My sweet girl turned 6 months old yesterday.

(And sometimes she wakes up 13 and practices her sassy side.)

She's sitting by herself, eating baby food, playing independently, all the fun things.

But her favorite thing to do is "talk."

She's finding her voice and while we don't yet know what that will sound like, 

we do know it will be loud. 

Homegirl does not have a gentle inside voice.

And, because she feels everything SO big 

(like her Mama) 

you know when she's happy and you know when she's mad.

My favorite moments are spent "talking."

She's mostly more interested in my necklace, 

or the remote behind me, 

or the phone above me,

or the puppies beside me,

or the funny face on me,

but goodness gracious, 

I cherish these talks.