my life with depression and anxiety {the last ten years} {all in one place}

Since so much has changed since my hiatus (Goodbye, Arkansas! Hello, Florida!) I wanted to tie everything up in a neat little bow.

More gather than tie, more mess than neat...but you get the idea.

I am first and foremost a sinner, saved by God's amazing grace. 

I'm a daughter of two godly parents.

I'm a sister to my best friend.

I'm a wife to the luckiest man on earth. ;)

I'm a Mama to an 11 year old girl (who's all sass) and an 8 year old boy (who's all boy.)

I'm a friend, an in-law, a listener, a reader, a writer, a singer, a grandma hobby lover...

and I take daily medications for depression and anxiety.

Many things describe me.

Few things define me.

I'm not at all ashamed of my 10+ year battle for my life over depression and anxiety.

I am living proof of God's great faithfulness.

I want to scream it on the rooftops, because I hid it, I was told to hide it, for so long.

Through my battle, through sharing my highs and lows, I met so many people on the same path.

Again and again God show me through them that I have to keep sharing my story.

So, if you're new to me, or we haven't yet sat down for a long lunch in a while, (or you need a little reminder) here are the top posts of my life with depression and anxiety. 

(Click the words to follow the link)

This is depression.

This is depression. Part 2

I'm gonna praise.

Just be.

When it started.

When it was time for help.

When we came here. (Arkansas)

When we started therapy.

Backing up a little. When my "if" changed to "and."

Silence in the darkness.

When I started medication.

New year. New Me?

Tomorrow. (I shared a weekly recap while doing this treatment. All past posts can be found on the right hand side of my page. TMS journey was in the year 2023.)

My new identity.

Life after TMS.

So why do share?

I share because this is real. 

Because someone needs to know they're not alone.

I share because despite the amount of information at our fingertips, people are still ignorant.

Because ignorance hurts.

I share because help is available.

Because the world needs to know.

But mostly I share because I wish someone would have shared with me.

tuesday letters {arkansas edition}

{Last summer, headed to our beloved Arkansas!}

Dear Arkansas,

Do you think of me as much as I think of you?

Could you bring some of that snow down to here?

Thank you for being a safe place to land, a place for me to find healing.

Could you work on a train that connects us quicker?

As a pastor's kid turned pastors wife, thank you for being my constant home for 8 years (the longest I've lived anywhere!)

friday joys

 {Why Friday Joys...here}

What do you mean she's a preteen? I'm barely twenty...

june's ginormous ears. disco balls reflecting in a window. front porch ferns. emmerson playing piano. robot vacuums. ending the night reading harry potter to the babes. remy being the sweetest gentle giant. work trips. daybeds and poofy blankets. hutch's morning snuggles.

a short introduction

It's been quiet on here for over two years now.

I was coming out of intensive outpatient group therapy and was sharing my experience.

I was healing from a great, deep depression and wanted to help those who found themselves in the same place.

But, some people like memoirs...stories after everything has been completed.

I prefer step-by-step tutorials.

Either way, I felt a time to be silent.

So, here I am.

Writing once again in this space I created over 15 years ago.

Hi! My name is Lauren.

This is my quiet re-introduction.

I live a sweet life.

A hardworking and very handy (and handsome) Husband.

A pre-teen and mini-me (for better or worse.)

A red-headed, soccer loving boy.

There's housework and deadlines.

Depression that still visits.

Joy that keeps surprising me.

Most days, I'm learning how to hold it all in both hands.

I write.

I overshare.

I crave community.

Some days I feel blessed.

Some days I feel heavy.

Both can be true.

I love painting things green.

Buying plants.

Talking to ChatGPT like an extra family member.

People canceling plans.

Broadway musicals.

Being both with and without my kids.

I carry grief.

I carry hope.

I carry the memory of a decade lost to depression.

I'm still working on the fact that "normal" people have bad days and not everything means I'll spiral.

I'm working on accepting the love people show me, telling myself that I do deserve it.

I'm working on slowing down and being present.

I'm sensitive.

I overthink.

I care deeply.

I spent years trying to hide those qualities.

Not knowing they can also be my super powers.

What you'll find at the messy blog:

-true life reflections of a Christian daughter, sister, wife, and mother with depression

-reminders that you are never alone

-lessons learned (usually the hard way)

-Tuesday letters and Friday joys

-things my kids say that make me giggle

Your mess is welcome here.

the importance of validation (a short story)

Invalidation:

There's a fire!

You're overreacting. What's wrong with you? There's no fire.

Um, there's a fire here!

You're crazy! Just blow it out! (Just stop!)

(after many cycles of being invalidated)

Okay, there's no fire. (What's wrong with me?)

Good job! I told you!

Validation: 

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Oh no! What can I do to help?

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Just a simple change of phrasing can stop your loved one from spiraling. 

They don't need you tell them they're crazy.

Trust me, they already think they are.

They don't need to be told to "just stop."

Like it's a switch they turned on for fun.

(This is not fun.)

You may not understand the "fire", but lucky for you, validating is not agreeing.

It's coming to their level.

Seeing them where they are and asking what they need to move forward.

You're not being asked to fix anything.

They need to know they aren't alone and you'll love them through this.