in moments of silence

I was talking to the babes on the way to school the other day about the gap between the Old and New Testaments.

As a believer for many years and a student of a Bible college, I knew about the gap.

I had heard the beautiful saying, "400 years of silence, broken by the cry of a baby."

But it wasn't until I was talking to my kids that a new realization hit me.

The people of the Old Testament heard from God through prophets and miracles.

The stories and lessons were taught from parents to children to grandchildren to great-grandchildren.

Then one day, God sends a word through the prophet Malachi.

He reminds them how He's loved them, rescued them, called them to be set a part, and to follow His commands. 

He reminds them that a messenger will come and prepare the way for Him.

Then...silence.

Not for a few weeks.

Not for a few months.

Not even a few years.

For 400 years.

For 400 years, they had only the teachings of the prophets. 

For 400 years, they could only recall the stories and lessons from their fathers and grandfathers.

For 400 years, those babies grew up hearing about a God they never encountered in their lifetime.

They had to have faith, such faith, for 400 years.

Would I have had enough faith in God to believe that He was going to do what He said He would?

Would I have had enough faith to trust He was who He said He was?

During those 400 years, their world around them changed.

The Greek language grew.

Jerusalem was under Roman occupation. 

Synagogues emerged as places of worship and education.

Pharisees and Sadducees become religious leaders.

At the time, my head would have been spinning.

Where is God in all this change?

Why are they speaking Greek now?

Who are these Romans?

What's a synagogue?

Who gave these Pharisees "power"?

What is happening?!

But we can look back and see that through the spread of the Greek language, the Hebrew scriptures could be translated.

Through the Roman reign, brought roads, relative peace, a common language, and it established the perfect time for Jesus' birth.

Through synagogues, they created a space for corporate worship, a place for believers to come together.

There was silence.

But God didn't stop working.

He was there, every step of the way.

He knew a man, John the Baptist, would come and with him, the arrival of Jesus.

There was silence.

But He left His words, His lessons, His miracles, His promises.

There were many, many moments in my darkest time that I questioned where God was.

I asked Him why He would leave me in this state.

How could He let this happen to me?

Why was He silent?

I can look back now and see that He never left.

He was never silent.

He left me His words, His lessons, His miracles, His promises.

But my faith was weak.

Today, when my heart is burdened for the world I'm a part of and I want to question where God is...

I turn to His words.

I thank Him for the Holy Spirit and the ability to talk directly to Him.

In moments of silence, He is still calling out to you.

He's still there.

tuesday letters

 

I can't believe this is her last year of elementary school. This is the page I made for her yearbook.

Dear Emmerson,

Thank goodness we moved to FL and that kept you in elementary school for one last year. I wasn't ready...I'm still not ready! (Arkansas is crazy and middle school starts in 5th!)

Dear Florida,

Thank you for our 10 minutes of legit snow last week. This mountain girl needed it!

Dear June,

If you could go ahead and potty train yourself, and quickly, that'd be great.

Dear Hair,

I am so sorry I colored you and cut you. I know you're freaking out. But, please just grow back quickly?

Dear Husband,

Will you be my Valentine?

my life with depression and anxiety {the last ten years} {all in one place}

Since so much has changed since my hiatus (Goodbye, Arkansas! Hello, Florida!) I wanted to tie everything up in a neat little bow.

More gather than tie, more mess than neat...but you get the idea.

I am first and foremost a sinner, saved by God's amazing grace. 

I'm a daughter of two godly parents.

I'm a sister to my best friend.

I'm a wife to the luckiest man on earth. ;)

I'm a Mama to an 11 year old girl (who's all sass) and an 8 year old boy (who's all boy.)

I'm a friend, an in-law, a listener, a reader, a writer, a singer, a grandma hobby lover...

and I take daily medications for depression and anxiety.

Many things describe me.

Few things define me.

I'm not at all ashamed of my 10+ year battle for my life over depression and anxiety.

I am living proof of God's great faithfulness.

I want to scream it on the rooftops, because I hid it, I was told to hide it, for so long.

Through my battle, through sharing my highs and lows, I met so many people on the same path.

Again and again God show me through them that I have to keep sharing my story.

So, if you're new to me, or we haven't yet sat down for a long lunch in a while, (or you need a little reminder) here are the top posts of my life with depression and anxiety. 

(Click the words to follow the link)

This is depression.

This is depression. Part 2

I'm gonna praise.

Just be.

When it started.

When it was time for help.

When we came here. (Arkansas)

When we started therapy.

Backing up a little. When my "if" changed to "and."

Silence in the darkness.

When I started medication.

New year. New Me?

Tomorrow. (I shared a weekly recap while doing this treatment. All past posts can be found on the right hand side of my page. TMS journey was in the year 2023.)

My new identity.

Life after TMS.

So why do share?

I share because this is real. 

Because someone needs to know they're not alone.

I share because despite the amount of information at our fingertips, people are still ignorant.

Because ignorance hurts.

I share because help is available.

Because the world needs to know.

But mostly I share because I wish someone would have shared with me.

tuesday letters {arkansas edition}

{Last summer, headed to our beloved Arkansas!}

Dear Arkansas,

Do you think of me as much as I think of you?

Could you bring some of that snow down to here?

Thank you for being a safe place to land, a place for me to find healing.

Could you work on a train that connects us quicker?

As a pastor's kid turned pastors wife, thank you for being my constant home for 8 years (the longest I've lived anywhere!)

friday joys

 {Why Friday Joys...here}

What do you mean she's a preteen? I'm barely twenty...

june's ginormous ears. disco balls reflecting in a window. front porch ferns. emmerson playing piano. robot vacuums. ending the night reading harry potter to the babes. remy being the sweetest gentle giant. work trips. daybeds and poofy blankets. hutch's morning snuggles.