jesus wept

My favorite verse is John 11:35. ⠀
“Jesus wept.”⠀
Simple enough. ⠀
But, why did He weep?⠀
He knew Lazarus had died. ⠀
He knew He would raise him from the dead. ⠀
So why weep?⠀
⠀
While He was fully God on earth, He was also fully man. ⠀
He felt the pain from losing a friend. ⠀
He felt the pain from those around Him. ⠀
He made sure to validate those feelings, that pain. ⠀
He made sure to stand with them in that pain. ⠀
This pain, the heaviness of the evil in this world, is overbearing. ⠀
⠀
Know that He sees you. ⠀
He weeps for you. ⠀
⠀
I see you. ⠀
I weep for you.

friday joys

our honeymoon.2. flowers by the front door. black fireplaces. that one sweater that just makes your insides AND outsides feel better. thunderstorms during the day. welcome home banners. a three year olds idea of a knock-knock joke. anything with a highland cow on it. the feeling of relief after a big event is finished. at-home gel nail sets (game. changer.)

tuesday letters

 

Dear Youth Pastor Wives Around the World, 

*insert Hunger Games salute here* The summer schedules are NO joke and surviving through it with young babes seems impossible. I see you.

Dear Young Babes,

In the words of the wise DMX, "Y'all gon' make me lose my mind. Up in hur. Up in hur."

Dear Me,

It's not the best idea to procrastinate reading a book for a book club. Especially when you're the club leader...and the librarian. 

Dear Arkansas,

What's the deal with all these flies? Should I be worried? Isn't there a horror novel/movie about this???

Dear Lauren Daigle,

Thanks for making me believe I sound just like you when I sing in the car/shower.

strong women

My number one girl. 

Raising her, with her big, big feelings and strong, strong will has proven to be a challenge. 

But it’s one I take on daily. 

She may look like her Daddy, but on the inside, (for better or for worse) that’s all me. 

I was raised by a strong woman, one far stronger than I see myself. 

But, this little face, she somehow sees a strong woman in me. 

She’s seen a strong woman cry and ask for help. 

She’s seen a strong woman love and serve her Daddy. 

She’s seen a strong woman roll up her sleeves and get work done. 

She’s seen a strong woman pray and knows where true strength can be found. 

Thankful for all the women in my life who have helped shaped me to be this little girl’s Mama. 

Thankful for all the women in her life that help me show her her strength.

still do

{Pictures by my amazing, beautiful friend, Kimie Robins!}

It’s no secret that the past few years have been hard for me. Leaving TN seemed to push me further into my (undiagnosed) depression. Moving to AR was the first step of many towards my healing.

This past Friday was our 10 year anniversary. On Saturday, we celebrated with a vow renewal. 

It was a sweet ceremony, which I will post more on later.

But for now, I am full to the brim with joy.

Joy that God is faithful.

Joy that our Lavaca church has truly become family.

Joy that we’ve come so far and that that handsome man is still in love with this hot mess.

hutch says {part two}

{part one here}

"Mommy. Mommy! Where is...NO! Stop singing!"

To the random stranger toddler baby in the car next to us.

"Oh! Hi! I got blanket! I Hutch! I boy!"

"I not silly! It’s me!"

Me: "Hutch, why are you crying?"

"I don’t knoooooooooow."

Yep, he’s mine.

"I NOT mean. I HAPPY!"

Said with pouty face.

Praying...

"Ring around the rosie..."

"I want Donalds!"

"Hey! I happy!"

Exiting the restaurant bathroom...

"I DID IT! I pee out my penis! I PEE!"

"Oh no. *face palm* flowers go on plants NOT TREES!"

10 years...

 

I still do.

holy spirit conversation...

A couple weeks ago, on the drive to school one morning, Emmerson and I were in the middle of one of our “heavy” conversations. 

I mean, the Holy Spirit was moving, y’all. 

We talked about sin, heaven, hell, the cross, all of it. 

She was sweetly interjecting her little noises, letting me know she was tracking along and I let the conversation fade into a time of contemplation. 

After a moment of {deep, theological} silence, my precious, profound 6 year old speaks up from the backseat, 

“Yeah. Minnie’s favorite color is red.”

tuesday letters

Dear Emmerson,

When did you go from the chubby baby stuffed in a tutu to the sassy dancing queen, front and center? I’m not sure I signed off on this. 

Dear Arkansas, 

I love rain more than most people, but even I think this is a bit much. 

Dear McDonalds,

Why are your hash browns so good? And so not good for me? 

Dear Husband, 

I love you. Let’s get married again. Say, this weekend? 

Dear Children,

It’s currently nap time. Go. To. Bed. 

our third child

“Remy” means “oar.” 

Like a pole with a flat blade, pivoting in an oar lock, used to row or steer a boat through the water. 

None of which makes any sense to her being my 3rd child... or a dog. 

friday joys

rain boots all around. my handy husband. ice cream for dinner. finding a new favorite author. walls painted white. planning fancy events. dance recitals. weighted blankets. hairless cats. little free libraries. 

just BE

The past couple months have been pretty monumental in my little world. 

After some more testing, I finally feel like we’re on the right path to fighting back my depression and anxiety. 

One large step forward was changing my medication. 

While very much needed, this transition has wrecked me. 

It’s as though I’ve become captive inside my own body. 

As if someone else is pushing the buttons and controlling my triggers. 

Yet, I’m fully aware of the foreign intruder, so I’m trying my best to fight back. 

Only, with my strength alone, it’s exhausting and it’s pointless. 

But I’m reminded (again and again) that it’s not up to me and my strength alone. 

The Lord will fight for me, I need only to BE still. 

BE still and know that He is God. 

(Exodus 14:14, Psalm 46:10) 

I was brought to tears when I opened this gift from my sister. 

My reminder to BE, just BE, in the handwriting of my sweet little girl. 

Thankful that all I’m expected to do is BE still and that He will take care of my battles. 

Resting in that promise today.

tuesday letters

 

Dear Summer,

Day one and you've set the bar waaaay too high. High sixties. Outside all.day.long. House projects completed. Kids playing perfectly-ish with one another. Mmmhmmm.

Dear Summer, 

Remind me of this beautiful day when it's over 100 degrees and I want to scream and cry and run around naked.

Dear Husband, 

I need some baby goats. And chickens. And a donkey. And maybe one or two highland cows. That's it.

Dear Hair,

Thank you for not falling out as we slowly become more blonde. Hang in there.

Dear Kristin Hannah, 

Girrrrrl. You know how to write some good books.