dreaming of baby girl...

She has a gender.

She has a name.

She has a face that husband already claims has my nose.

She has us wrapped and we haven't even "met" her yet.

I can't stop remembering seeing her at the ultrasound yesterday.

30 minutes of uninterrupted Emmerson movie-time.

I prayed for clear boy/girl parts and baby girl was in the perfect position 

(little behind sticking straight up.)

Cute for now, but we'll work on lady like positions when she's here.

She was moooooooving.

Active little girl.

(Can't actually feel her yet, but she was swinging all arms and legs, 

opening and closing her cute little mouth.)

Dancer, maybe?

Pinterest is no longer a safe place for me.

Give me all things baby girl!

Headbands! Oh the headbands.

(Not the oversized bows/flowers though. 

Simple, precious is the key.)

Everything I'd wear, but mini sized.

Yes, I will be that mom.

The one that occasionally matches with her baby.

No shame.

I hope she has Husband's black hair and freckles.

And Mamaw's smile.

I've already cried thinking about her daddy giving her away at her wedding.

And telling her all about the lady her middle name came from (my Mamaw.)

Oh, Emmerson Marie, you have stolen our hearts and turned our world upside down.

baby crews has a name! (and gender!)

zoo day (a video)

Friday, Husband surprised me with an afternoon trip to the zoo.

One of my favorite places

with my favorite person(s!)

God is in control.

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Psalm 27:14

Thank you so much to all the encouraging words and prayers (here and on Facebook.) 

They brought such peace and comfort.

God is in control.

crushed.

My last post was a "happy little one" about waiting.
Little did you know, I was expecting something big to happen (cue "perfect job.")
Little did I know, not an hour later, "perfect job" would be taken off the table completely.

So now I'm swallowing some of those things I wrote.
"Pray."
"Be grateful for what you have."
"Smile."

I'm at a complete loss for words and I can feel my faith draining.

Earlier this summer, everything was "perfect."
After years of battling infertility, Brandon and I found out we were pregnant.
Then, I got an amazing teaching position at a (seemingly) wonderful school.
2 of our biggest prayer requests answered.

Once the school found out I was pregnant and would need maternity leave, they withdrew their offer.

Crushed.

Fast forward a few months, another "perfect" (this time, non-teaching) position seemed to fall into my lap.
It would use my organization, party planing skills, creativity, plus give me more hours to have a comfortable security for our growing family.
This afternoon, it walked away.

Crushed.

I wish I could say right now I feel confident that it will all be okay.
I wish I could say that being a pastor's wife means I never have unwavering faith.
But I can't bring myself to lie to you, to myself.

I'm not writing this to receive pity.
Normally, I keep things light and airy on here, or I wait until the storm has passed to tell you what God brought us through.
But right now, I need prayers, encouragement, and maybe some hugs (and Kleenex's.)

things to do while you're waiting...

I'm in a time of my life where I'm waiting for what seems like everything.

It's the awkward position of already doing all I could do, and now...I wait.

The two biggest being:

The right job (teaching or ??)

Baby Crews (almost halfway through!)

So, I've decided to compile a list of things to do while waiting.

-pray

-be grateful for the things you already have

-encourage others

-paint your nails

-do the dishes

-play board games

-snuggle longer

-take naps

-prepare for the day when you're no longer waiting

-smile

-sing

-go on adventures

-save money

-make something you've pinned on Pinterest

-chat it up with an old friend

-read

-listen to Christmas music

-organize your life

-say "yes" to more

-paint something with chalkboard paint

You can never go wrong with chalkboard paint.