tms week eight

 

Loving these babies in a whole new light.

Week eight was short and sweet.

Just 3 treatments and only 1 more to go!

I'm currently in Georgia, watching Netflix with my sis-in-law, waiting for my baby nephew snuggles, and on Saturday we are headed to NYC!

My absolute dream trip and I can't even believe it's finally happenning! 

Next week I will have so much more to say about this whole TMS journey, the healing, the amount of encouragement I've received, all of it.

But for now, I've got New York on my mind...

tms week seven

 

Spring.

The season of new life.

Seems fitting for the closure of my TMS procedures.

Most of you follow my blog's Facebook page and probably saw the video I posted Monday.

In short...

it's working.

My biggest takeaway from this week is that God is not withholding healing from me.

If you asked me 7 weeks ago if I thought God would heal me, I would have laughed at you.

Then probably cried.

Because I truly believed He wasn't hearing me or deliberately choosing to not heal me.

I couldn't understand why.

(I still don't, not really.)

But I strongly believe that will come in time.

Right now, though, I'm sitting in His healing.

Right now, I don't care why.

Right now, I'm re-learning how to be "normal."

And it feels so, so good.

(Next week, I have 3 procedures, a quick trip to NYC, then one last procedure upon my return.)

tms week six

 

The prettiest flowers come from little boys that call you "Mama."

When I arrived Monday, I took my usual survey...

And my score was 11.

ELEVEN.

Not even in the "depression" zone.

Just the "mild mood disturbance" zone.

I'm sorry, what?!

What I'm combating the most against is "re-training" my brain to accept good as good.

Wins as wins.

Because old Lauren quickly thinks, 

"You scored so well only because you had a weekend away from the kids and life."

"Of course you feel fine now, you had a getaway weekend!"

"Just look at the rest of the week, you'll see."

Because it HAS been a rough week.

Brandon had the flu last week/turned sinus infection over the weekend/turned bronchitis.

So, I've had a lot more on my plate.

Unfortunately, that shuts me down.

I go into survival mode.

I get the kids dressed, fed, from point A to B to C, etc.

This week, I heard a quote that stopped me in my tracks.

"Are you having a bad day or did you have a bad 5 minutes that you've been milking all day?"

Ouch.

People have bad days. 

Normal people have bad days.

That doesn't mean I've failed, or the TMS isn't working, or I'm not normal. 

There's guilt that I've undone every amazing thing I learned at our weekend retreat.

(Which was absolutely amazing.)

But, even though I haven't been jumping around with joy every second of every day...

I haven't spiraled.

That's a major difference.

I had lunch with a bestie this week and I asked her if she noticed a difference...

To which she emphatically responded, "YES."

I'm choosing to believe my friend.

I'm choosing to believe my Husband.

I'm choosing to believe the scores.

I'm choosing to believe that God is healing me.

(Due to a bad weather day and having to miss an appointment this week, I go M-F again next week.

Then 3x week 8.

And 1x week 9.)