This makes me nervous.
If you know me well, you know that silence from me isn't a good sign.
It's the sound of withdrawal, bricks being laid, and eyes shutting closed.
I can be transparent when what's inside makes a bit of sense,
but when it's completely dark, upside down, twisted...
I feel fake.
Not like "lying" fake, more like "I don't even know who Lauren is anymore... so kbye."
This is the messy blog and I can't only write after the mess has been cleaned up.
But when my prayers go unanswered, my healing hasn't come, and my heart feels defeated,
my instinct is to clam up.
Hide the mess.
Pull up the covers.
And close my eyes.