pandas and prayers

Almost 2 years ago, I bought this panda.
To most, it could have been called a silly purchase.
I'm too old for stuffed animals
and I didn't have any kids of my own.
What I did have was a hopeless longing.
A secret battle of infertility.
Doctors said no, along with the voices in my head.
And I had to fight to hear the voice of truth.
I bought this bear to physically grasp my heart's desire.
For months I clung to him as I cried and prayed.
When the tests turned positive, and a little one was on their way,
my prayers changed.
I cried and prayed for the chubby fingers that would one day hold him.
My heart smiles when I see Emmerson playing with her panda.
She kisses (chews) his ears
and spins him around by his legs.
She tells him (loud) secrets 
and gives him hugs that make me jealous.
The one I desperately prayed for with the one I fervently prayed over.
Her special bear.

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