the red shirt (my weight loss journey)

(circa 2009)

I've had this red t-shirt for years.
It was given to me by one of my friends in college.
(Shout out to Kirstyn!)
It is the softest, most comfortable shirt I have ever owned.
Which explains why I wore it all.the.time.
Up until after Husband and I got married.

Because that's when the weight gain started.

I could blame the "happy weight" from being married.
Or the depression that came from living, working, and attending church in an oppressive place.
Or the medicine given to me for infertility.
Or my laziness/lack of self control.

Then I got pregnant with our sweet miracle, Emmerson.
And the weight gain continued.
I had no self control during my pregnancy, adding an additional 50 pounds to my already "overweight" body.
When Emmerson was born, I lost 30 pounds quickly.
But weight loss eventually came to a halt.

I could blame the postpartum depression.
Or the fight (that I ultimately gave up) in breastfeeding.
Or the stress that came with moving (again. and again.)

Here we are, 5 years and 3 moves later, and I'm still doing nothing but blaming.

Blaming doesn't help me lose the weight.
Blaming doesn't give me confidence.
Blaming doesn't make me feel worthy of my Husband's affection.
Blaming doesn't give me more energy.
Blaming doesn't let me wear the clothes I want to wear.
Blaming doesn't let me enjoy life.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

It's not pleasant.
To mentally say "no" to the food I don't need.
It's painful to give up what used to bring me happiness.
But discipline wouldn't be called discipline if it were easy.
And it's definitely not fun.
But to change my life style, I have to have discipline.

"Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control." Proverbs 25:28 

A city without walls protects nothing.
It leaves them wide open, vulnerable.
A person without self-control does the same exact harm.
When I eat because I'm bored...
When I eat because I'm sad/mad/happy... I'm destroying myself.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "

Honor God with my body.
Am I honoring Him by ruining my temple?
Or have I been replacing Him with trash that keeps me temporarily full?

I've decided today, right now, to stop blaming.
I want to see change.
I want to see my discipline change,
my self-control change,
my body change,
my life change.

John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

I no longer allow myself to rob me of a full life.

1 comment:

  1. Love you Lauren! You are a bright light of encouragement. I love how the Lord's word is sharpening and challenging. Great scriptures there. I especially love the Proverbs 25:28. Many ways to apply this.