silence in the darkness


This makes me nervous.

If you know me well, you know that silence from me isn't a good sign.

It's the sound of withdrawal, bricks being laid, and eyes shutting closed.

I can be transparent when what's inside makes a bit of sense, 

but when it's completely dark, upside down, twisted...

I feel fake.

Not like "lying" fake, more like "I don't even know who Lauren is anymore... so kbye." 

This is the messy blog and I can't only write after the mess has been cleaned up.

But when my prayers go unanswered, my healing hasn't come, and my heart feels defeated,

my instinct is to clam up.

Hide the mess.

Pull up the covers.

And close my eyes.

"You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though troubles linger still
Whom shall I fear?
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side"