"...it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace."

Something Heavenly
Sanctus Real

It's time for healing, time to move on

It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone, time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
I'm giving in to something heavenly

This is song has been the perfect song for my heart lately. The lyrics sound all too familar when compared to my prayers. What's crazy is that I'm not too terribly heartbroken or sad. I guess that's where the peace comes in, right in the middle of chaos. It's just that life is moving full speed ahead and I worry that too many things are being left behind.

Graduation is a mere month and a half away. It's almost been put in the shadows since I've already started my "big girl job." But, I get hit hard with the reality that there are still a million and one things on my list to finish before I can walk across that stage.

Speaking of "big girl job", it is an absolute blessing to have this job, make sure you hear that. But, it's beginning to be a struggle to wake up excited for the day. My heart is starting to get farther and farther away from it. I know I'm called to be here for the time being. I know He put me here for a reason...it's just starting to get cloudy. Chaos.

In the midst of all this, there's little random problems. Just small annoying tornadoes that like to come in whenever and only stay long enough to do enough damage in my day. Chaos.

To make matters worse, I've been cursed with the "gift" or worrying. Oh, I'm a pro at it! Give something! Anything! No matter how small! I'll make a mountain out of it! It's pathetic, really. Chaos.

Despite all of this...all of the negativity, all of the "tornadoes", all of the worrying...there's comfort. There's hope to hold onto. There's promises to look forward to. Peace.

There's someone watching, waiting, and longing for me to just flat out give up! To give up all my worries, my burdens, my fears, all of it! He's already made the path for me. He knows my future and it ends well! He know every need I have and is always there to supply it. Surrender.

As much as I'd like to say that since I've written all this out I've been worry-free! But, it's a constant reminder. It's a constant battle and decision to set my mind on positive things. To think on what He's brought me through and to lie in His arms and know He will never leave me.


Is it time yet?



Oh, the joy that fills my heart when I think about the wonderful things coming soon. Christmas has always always been my favorite. There are Christmas lights. There's something so magical seeing them on houses, on tree's, even people! You can't forget the Christmas Music to bring in the holiday season. My holiday season is more like a holiday year! No such things as "too early!" Then there's the Christmas decorations; the tree, wreath, presents, etc. One thing I miss is snow. Florida is dumb and doesn't provide it for me. Good thing I KNOW I'll end back up in NC one day! (Right, God?) :) Last, but not certainly not least...cold weather. I love to bundle up in all my sweaters, jackets, hats, leggings, boots, etc. Despite Florida's stubbornness towards cold, I wear my winter clothes proudly.

This year I have been especially looking forward to Christmas. I don't know exactly why it is. It could be because I'll be 22 this year. 21 was a "momentous occasion" because I was "officially" an adult. But 22, just seems to be a more mature and adult age. I love my birthdays regardless. My heightened excitement could be because I've been working on my school's Christmas Program since August when I was told that I would be the one in charge. I've been going through music, trying to find the exact version of song to use. Being the organized freak I am, I have many many lists to help aid in my thought process and try to make sense of the mush in my brain! I've decided on this:
The name of the program is : The True Meaning of Christmas
My middle school students will be the "main" part of the show. The plot is my students (time-travelers) will go from decade to decade to find the true meaning of Christmas. They start in the 30s, where the Pre-K students will be on the stage. then they go from the 30s to 40s and so on. Each decade is a different class singing a different song and representing that decade. The decades will each have their own meaning of Christmas: bells, trees, parties, gifts, etc. The time-travelers realize there still has to be more and decide to travel alllll the way back to Bible times. There, a shepherd explains why everyone was coming to see the baby. The program ends with all (pre-k to 8) students coming and bowing around the manger. Some will be dressed like sheep, donkeys, etc. Other students will be shepherds.

My 7th and 8th graders are helping me write the script and it has been coming along. For those of you near enough, come and see it! December 16, 2010. Yikes, 2 months.

Well, I hope my premature excitement for Christmas has taken your mind off the craziness of midterms, school, work, or life in general. The number one reason I can celebrate Christmas with such passion is because I know that  baby was born to die for me. That's something to remember everyday.

Merry Christmas!


Blank Pages

I've always started different journals. I have a strange obsession with the idea of buying a new one. Rarely do they get completely full. Not that I stop writing, but I simply find another one to start filling.

I love having a blank page, ready to fill, and always struggle with how or where to start.

This is another attempt at finishing a journal. Another blank page to fill with the random-ocity that is my mind. Since this is the first entry (of hopefully many), I'm dedicating it to...well, myself.

Here are some things about me, some you may know, others probably not. They are in no order of importance. It's just a "getting to know you" type of entry.

1. I'm entirely too poor for the lifestyle I want. I'm learning that now that I have my "big girl" job. But, I'm also absolutely blessed and grateful because I have been given everything for the lifestyle I need.

2. Being a vegetarian is something I've always wanted to pursue. I think I could do it, except the chicken. Chick-fil-A and Zaxby's are too good to me. Chickens aren't very cute, I can live with eating them on my conscience.

3. I'm a list person. I live and go by lists, all day, every day. My planner is my life and without it, I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to be doing.

4. I love music. I love to hear it, sing it, write it, and play it. I'm learning guitar but would like to be amazing over night.

5. I teach 6-8 grade Language Arts. I'm mistaken as a student ALL the time. The Lord has blessed me with this job, but has also shown me my heart is with the little ones.

6. I love Christmas. Every little thing about it. The sights, smells, sounds, everything. It honestly is the most wonderful time of the year.

7. I have my very own knight in shining armor. He fought in pursuit for me and broke down many walls. He's a keeper.

8. I'm a big eyelash person. I'll spend an hour getting ready (clothes, hair, and all) and about 25% of that time is spent on my mascara. It's an odd thing I've been doing since I've worn makeup.

9. I have a bad case of comparing. I tend to compare myself to others. Although, instead of doing it to make myself feel or look better, it's always done in a way that I'm the lesser of the two.

10. I'm most thankful that God created taste buds. I LOVE food. But, how would I know what it tastes like without my taste buds? Taste. Buds. Mmmhmm.

11. I've never cared to much for football. I was always an FSU fan just because I'm a Daddy's girl and he "cheered" for them. But, after being with Brandon and his family for so long, I've decided to become a Gator. Brandon bought me my first shirt and all. Now, it's official.

12. Words are such a marvelous thing. That fact that you can put them in order to make such profound statements just blows my mind. Words can be beautiful, sad, angry, heartfelt, etc. I love the feeling when I hear a quote that puts what I'm feeling in the perfect perspective. That's why lyrics are so special to me. I just love words.

13. I love the mountains and everything that comes with them. The altitude, the weather, the trees, the snow... I WILL inhabit them once more!

14. I have a terrible memory. It's only gotten worse with age and I'm only 21!

15. I love my family, friends, etc. But, I'm really working truly loving unconditionally. To love someone even when they don't meet my conditions. It's been a challenge...but God has given me great practice!

Well, this is (sort of ) me in  a nutshell. There is more about me, but I wasn't feeling creative enough to think of "unique qualities."

I'll be back soon.