one year ago today... (part two) {a video}

(read part one here)

By 3am, the thought of sleep was laughable.

So I took a bath, pausing for contractions.

Took a shower, pausing for contractions.

Blow dried and straightened my hair, pausing for contractions.

When 6am rolled around, I was done.

"Hey, Brandon...my contractions are basically 5 minutes a part and I'm over it. 

We're going to the hospital now."

Immediately followed by a mini panic attack.

"I'm not ready. I can't do this. Never mind."

With a healing hug from Husband, I was back in the game.

Being the over-planner I am, the bags were packed weeks before and we were ready!

(With one last stop at McDonalds for my biggest pregnancy craving, hash browns.)

That's when the peace came.

I was scared, sure.

But, I knew what the outcome would be.

I knew I'd be holding Emmerson soon and nothing else mattered.

Once we were settled into the room, we noticed my body wasn't progressing as much as my contractions were leading on.

Talks of sending me home to labor began and my knight in shining armor stepped in and came to my rescue.

"She's been having consistent contractions for over 24 hours. She's miserable. We can't leave."

With a little help, my labor was induced and then we waited.

4 hours after the epidural, it was time to push.

With my husband on one side, my mom on the other, and my good friend/nurse coaching us, the rest was an intense blur.

5 contractions later and Emmerson made her grand entrance.

I remember tears.

I remember baby cries.

I remember saying, "Oh, hi, Emmerson." "Oh, hi!"

She was perfect.

Sweet little fingers.

Sweet black hair.

Sweet scrunched face.

Everything about our labor and delivery was sweet.

Everything worked out perfectly, out of state family and all.

Tears have been my constant companion over the past few days, trying to swallow the fact that I now have a one year old!

This year has been challenging, to say the least, but more rewarding than I ever imagined.

Here's to you, sweet girl.

You will forever be my always.

one year ago today... (part one)

One year ago today, I was 39 weeks pregnant and woke up to sharp pains.

I immediately started praying.

"Lord, is this labor? Please give me clear labor signs!"

I found an app that recorded contractions (there's an app for that!) and started counting.

The pains continued, 8-10 minutes apart...

"Is this real?"

I eventually decided to get up and casually said to Husband,

"Hey! I've been having steady contractions for about an hour now. Want some scrambled eggs?"

My 39 week appointment was a few hours away, so we figured waiting was best. 

With my contractions being 8-10 minutes apart, I knew they'd send me home anyway.

The Dr. gave me the news I didn't want to hear.

"No progression. Go home and wait. Could be tomorrow, could be 2 weeks!"

Lunch at Outback, pausing for contractions.

Walking around the mall, pausing for contractions.

Napping was useless, waking for contractions.

I began to worry, 

"If this isn't labor, how much longer with these consistent contractions?"

Dinner at Chick-fil-A, pausing for contractions.

Walking around Target, pausing for contractions.

It was 10pm and I needed sleep, so we called it a night, not knowing when our little girl would finally join us.

Sweet Husband took the floor so I could stretch and get comfortable.

Despite my exhaustion, sleep did not come easily.

I learned to sleep during the minutes between contractions, as they worsened and came quicker...

to be continued...

when it is not well with my soul

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrow, like sea billows, roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
'it is well, it is well with my soul.'"

We take for granted the rivers until we're being tossed in the sea billows.

We're oblivious to the peace until the sorrow pours onto us.

The biggest lie the enemy uses against Christians is that we are promised a life of peace and when we are in a season of sorrow, it's our own faults. That if I'm a Christian (or worse, a pastor's wife) I'm not "allowed" to go through dark days. Or if I am going through sea billows, I have to keep my mask on while fighting for my life.

Can I just blast that lie and send right back where it belongs?

Friends, family, brothers and sisters,
it is not well with my soul.

But just as He taught me,
I will say, "it is well with my soul."
I will chant, "it is well."
I will weep, "it is well."
I will whisper, "it is well."
I will scream, "it is well with my soul."

Because in my sorrows, in the midst of fighting my sea billows, I cannot hear the truth. I am deaf to the truth. I am unable to save myself.

But because in my peace, in my rivers, I absorbed His truth, I hid His truth in my heart,
I can say, "it is well with my soul."

I may not believe it at first, as the waves crash down over me.
"It is well with my soul."
When I can barely keep my head above water,
"it is well with my soul."

When it is not well with my soul, I still have to SAY it.
I have to chant it.
I have to weep it.
I have to whisper it.
I have to scream it.

Because there's truth in those words. I'm suffocating in my sorrows, but He is still God. My soul is well because He won't leave me in these sea billows. Trials will come, but the clouds will be rolled back. I don't have to believe it in those first few moments, but the truth becomes an anthem in my heart and my sorrows become peace once again.

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrow, like sea billows, roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
'it is well, it is well with my soul.'"

"hello, zoo!" (a video)

The best evenings are spent at the zoo, waving at everything, with your people.

fall day

If you know me at all, you know I love taking pictures. And since having Emmerson, my obsession has grown even more. I refuse to apologize, though, like I see so many people do. Taking and posting pictures of Emmerson helps me collect all the memories (since I clearly have lacked blogging!) It also sparks my joy. I'm an advocate for joy sparking. You want to post 10 pictures a day of your dog? Do it. Wanna talk about hunting or sports every single status? Do it! Spark your joy, baby!

I digress. 

Sometimes when taking pictures, I get a whole set that make my heart melt. 

Today was full of the perfect ingredients to make these yummy pictures.

Cool, Tennessee Fall day.

Green, green grass (thanks to the amazing thunderstorms all weekend.)

Bright yellow blanket.

Big baby sun hat.

And of course the cutest little monster baby you ever did see.

I didn't know how much I loved tiny fingers holding on to big hats until I saw these pictures.

Oh, sweet baby love.