tomorrow

 

My why.

I feel like it's the night before the biggest test of my life.

It feels like waiting for Christmas morning and yet also dreading the box you've been given to open.

Unless you are a complete stranger, you know I've struggled with depression and anxiety (which umbrellas a host of other health issues) for years now. 

My journey has been an open book.

I can't help it.

God literally put my heart on my sleeve.

This journey has been...messy.

I've had all the highs, all the lows, all the symptoms, all the withdrawals, all the everythings.

And now we've come to this.

Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation.

Over the next 6 weeks, everyday, Monday-Friday, I will go to my doctor for a short procedure.

Then spend the next 3 weeks tapering off the procedures.

The name itself sounds scarier than it actually is. 

I can honestly say I'm not scared to start this.

I'm scared of what happens if this doesn't work.

The lies in my head distort reality and this procedure holds promise to fix that.

But the "me" in me can't help but worry...what if?

So I'm asking you, my friends, from all states and walks of my life, to PRAY.

Pray everyday over the next 9 weeks.

That change is VISIBLE.

That hope becomes CLEAR.

That God is SEEN and I can SEE Him once again.